Mary Bradley waits at home, in the nuclear fallout zone

Let’s start with the all-important semi-finals of 2019’s ‘That’s Good Innit’.

Oh yes, Happy Christmas Eve too. Jingle bells etc etc.

Tie 1

Spag Bol   v   The Smiths

This troubles me because I love food. Spag Bol is great as you can make tonnes of spaghetti ‘accidentally’ and then eat loads of it. I never would of course but ‘you’ can, as I understrand it.

N.B. My use of the word “understrand” is actually a hilarious joke as it conveys both comprehension and an awareness of the thin string-like pasta shape that is spaghetti. I am very clever.

The thing is, had I picked ‘food’ generally then this would be a straightforward victory. In fact that would be the dog’s bologs (see what I did there? I am on fire). I was too specific though and this is where The Smiths have the edge.

The Smiths too have a flaw. A major flaw. Morrissey. If I am being nice then I say he is simply a bigger show-off than me who lacks any filter whatsoever. TBF, he is too regularly loathsome in his words and occasional actions to redeem himself that much. Iloved his autobiography but then I think we were meant to take it seriously not laugh out load at his pomposity and his inability not to keep slagging off Mike Joyce.

The music of my youth versus the food that I love. It is a close call.

If I was on a desert island though, with only the bare essentials such as a pizza place and a pub, then I would have to go for The Smiths to keep my spirits up with jaunty numbers with jolly lyrics such as ‘In a river the colour of lead, immerse the baby’s head…’

Final Score

Spag Bol   1 – 2   The Smiths

So here we go – the 2nd semi-final is an equally tough one;

Tie 2

Showing Off   v   Singing Made-up Songs

Let’s start with singing. Last night Mrs Bob and I went to an Aled Jones presented Christmas Cracker at the Barbican. It was a fantastic evening of Christmas Carols, festive songs and poems and was near perfect. Two wonderful choirs and a superb orchestra and then this opera singer type person. I shall call her Lulu Baubles.

Now she could hold those really high notes. You know, like what shatters glass and stuff innit? Not like those evil people that can do that. Are there evil people with high-pitched voices or have I imagined that? I think I may be thinking of ogres or vampires actually. Or something else.

Anyway I digress…… Lulu’s voice was amazing. So much so that when she duetted with a young’un from the Southend Girls’ Choir on Pie Jesu (in fact the song has nothing to with pies as I have since found out), I found my eyes welling up and then the next thing I was crying like my brother-in-law. Explain that if you can. I am not a cry baby.

Before Aled did an orchestra-backed recitation of ”Twas the night before Christmas’ a little mouse ran past near the stage. Very good addition to the show. Mrs Bob screamed and jumped on her seat showing her petticoats like the woman in Tom & Jerry. I laughed.

Now these are all songs that pre-exist but it reminded me how important it is to make music. I have since been singing snippets of the songs adding in my own words as I know so few of the real ones. It gives me great joy. No one else mind, but it gives me great joy.

How though does making up your own songs compete with generic showing off?

Stamina.

I can make up songs just like that. No pressure, no thinking, no ability. Showing off though is tougher. You need to consider the audience and content of your showing off. You need to know how far you can go. Showing off is an art form and I am a novice compared to famous show-offs like Bill Oddie, Desperate Dan from The Dandy and tennis ace Virginia Wade. It can be tiring.

I could not be without my made-up music but I could take a rest from semi-pro showing off.

Final score

Showing Off   1 – 4  Singing Made-up Songs

So we can look forward to a musical final(e) of The Smiths up against my own song-making and singing skills. I won’t sleep until I know the outcome.

In other news………

As an HR professional I did enjoy the tv mini-series ‘Sticks and Stones’ about workplace (upward) bullying. That poor bloke. He wasn’t that likeable but blimey, if you really wanted to bully someone and had no soul or scruples……. Makes you think.

Me and the fam (that’s a cool way of saying it) met up for an early Xmas lunch with my sis and the bloke from the Pixar film ‘Up’ last week. Carluccio’s in St Pancras which was fab. Afterwards we wandered round the Xmas market near Granary Square and I purchased a bottle of rhubarb and ginger gin. Now I hate beer being messed with but this gin is great. I won’t buy any more as I would just drink it but for an Xmas treat it is dank (is that a cool word too?).

The gin has helped to numb my stupid tooth that seems to be defying all attempts at successful root canal treatment. Damn you rogue nerve! I would definitely agree to a second fat sausage finger in exchange for a pain-free tooth. I now fancy a sausage.

Totally unrelated but who remembers Blinky from The Numskulls? I do.

Look it is Christmas Eve so I will sign off. Still lots of v important stuff to cover but I need to see if we have any sausages now.

Have a v happy Christmas and remember that it’s better to give than to lend and it costs about the same (I remember that from a childhood cracker – I forget important stuff but remember things like this. For example, who played harpsichord in the Rolling Stones in 1969? Elvis!!!).

NEWSFLASH! Mrs Bob says we don’t have any sausages but as an alternative I can have Asda Spicy Carrot and Parsnip Soup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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