Well after my initial blog went viral (by that I mean I have now developed a cough), one of the thousands of blog comments has sparked controversy in the Carey household.
“oh poor little Mary, she should get you a list of jobs to do now you are off for 3+ months….blaah blaah…annoying annoying…. let’s mess up Bob’s well-deserved rest….blaah blaah,,,,”
So wrote ex-friend Linda.
Well now I have the list. Mary threw it at me earlier. I managed to lose it but she returned it this afternoon (with malice) even though I was still sleepy after my afternoon nap.
Now I’m a man who does my bit – gone are the apparently sex-defined household tasks of the 70s and laughing at long springy armed alien robots carrying bags of potatoes when they could have had instant mash. This list though is a joke and is akin to Guantanamo Bay or being made to go shopping at Hobbycraft.
When I gave up work, and Mary and I agreed I would have at least 6 months off to nap and watch TV, she never said I would also have work to do. As I type I am having to dance (dance) regardless of where I am, and it is hard graft I tell you. I am currently at the curry house and I am spilling my raitha (which looks like sick) all over my hotpants.
I must say though, the list seems to focus on Mary’s base needs rather than my own personal fulfilment. I am not a plaything though Mary. I am a grown man. With a fully grown belly and chins. I will not be treated like this just because I am a lazy man. “Lazy man”? An oxymoron surely? [N.B. Please note I have used a word some of you may now need to look up. Martha].
Demeaning task list aside, I had a two hour dog walk today, had my fat finger x-rayed (I reckon space has run out in my belly so each finger will gradually pop out like a juicy little pork sausage, the more cake I eat) and I got told off for trying to join in a conversation which apparently I was not a part of (and never will be).
I’m guessing these blog entries need to be short so nearly done. I still don’t understand what you are meant to do. Is there meant to be a purpose? Should I start with an idea in mind before I start randomly typing? That sounds like hard work and this is meant to be relaxing. I don’t really care anyway. Idiots.
On the cheese issue by the way, I did have some camembert last night which was one item in one of my leaving gift hampers. If you would like a photo of some camembert and / or of me eating camembert, then email me at email@example.com.
10 thoughts on “Now you’ve done it Linda”
Can’t stop laughing. Looks like I owe you a drink too then!! Hope Mary appreciated your efforts! ! Please carry on blogging. .you’re a natural! !
You don’t get round me that easily. Unless there is cake with the drink?
cant wait for blog 3, watch out in London 9th and 10th March 2017 with Josie
Methinks we have too much time on our hands Cap’n.
Oh my this is even better than the chairman weekly updates .love them
Let me know what cheese you want covering in the weeks ahead.
This is the best thing I’ve ever read. I want more blog, and more cheese.
Easy tiger. Too much cheese makes Jack a high cholesterol time bomb. Truth.
‘Lazy’ moi? Hope you are feeling better – it’s all that work stress finally leaving your body, I reckon I had at least 6 weeks of woman flu!
I now will ever be able to look at someone with fat fingers the same way again😂
I am just waiting for the next finger to pop