Secrets in through your head and out through your mouth

I’m getting in a mess here. I still have the Bumper Summer Special to do with all the food-related / snoozing anecdotes from Corfu but now I have Qatar and much much more to cram in.

Firstly, despite resigning (again) last season, as no one then stepped forward I am once more Chairman of the Jumpers for Goalposts Fantasy Football League – current and ex-UCL HR staff plus family members. 40+ again this season.

Wyne Rooney Overhead Kick (1)

I have never won the league as everyone else cheats but I have won the Challenge Cup once due to my skill. My Wolves defence this season should be the key to my success as Marco Boogers, nearly West Ham man who fled to a caravan in Holland before the season started, was once my best ever FF selection.

Stockport County have started normally. Two wins, a draw and a defeat, against three of the bottom teams in the Division. My neighbour, The Lone Ranger, said he though he saw County on TV last night in the Carabo Cup. I think not my masked friend – not unless they had kidnapped the proper league team and then got hammered.

So Qatar then, Who’d have thunk it?


Back from Corfu on the Monday, email and call out of the blue Tuesday, contract by Thursday and flying out to Doha Friday until Monday. I won’t discuss what work I was doing but let me focus on the excitement of going Business Class for a pleb like me. The amazing airport lounges aside (I wish we had a loo like theirs), it is the fact you have no one sat next to you in your little pod and your seat turns into a bed. ‘Pyjamas sir?’. Well I said yes but where would I change unless I stepped outside into the clouds briefly?


I mean this is better than many of our own beds. Who are these people that fly like this usually? I must admit I broke my bed going back – not sure it was designed for a hearty eating lad from Stockport and they did keep offering me food and drink. ‘Afternoon tea sir?’. That was around 8.30pm but I still managed scones, jam and cream and cakes.

But what films did you watch Bob? Well going out it was that 2nd Kingsman film. The first was brilliant but this was a bit desperate. Elton John FFS? Then on the way back that Infinity War Marvel thing. No idea who most of the characters were or what it was about but really enjoyable. Bob says watch it!

The Handmaid’s Tale. Was that the last episode? The 2nd series – so beyond the original brilliant Margaret Atwood novel – was even better than the first. Watch it.


I have covered my holiday reading already but one book I am still finishing off is I Am Pilgrim by Terry Hayes. I think I like it but it is overly long. I will let you know.

The big news in Loughton today? Escaped tapirs running riot up the High Street for two hours having got out of a circus van on the way to Southend. One elderly man was badly mauled which was very sad, but amusingly two tapirs evaded the army cordon (and James) and ended up in our back garden!!!! The doggies loved playing with them but we had to give them up when they were spotted by SAS drones as it was starting to get dark. Bye bye Snouty and Sucubus, we love you and miss you….


Now I’m not the best swimmer but what I do like doing in the sea is Bob’s Tumbles. I hate water up my nose so to the horror of my family I put a noseclip and goggles on and then glide my body forward in a fluid gymnastic way and then spin round underwater. Well in fairness I thrash about paddling my arms the wrong way but when I get it right I triumphantly leap to my feel, arms in the air shouting ‘TA-DA!’ for all to hear. My family are very proud. At least this year I kept my swimshorts on and didn’t wave them above my head.

Which reminds me that having been so proud about buying my own pants the other day on Amazon for a pound a pair, I now realise that they are overly snug. I just think I got a little boys size somehow and it feels as obscene as it probably looks (to be honest I don’t dare look). Just wanted to share my cramped pants with you.


It was like home from home in Corfu. Mrs Bob wallops me when I snore in bed at home; it was more fun for us both for me to get bashed whilst lying on a sun bed by the pool. The kids also took a turn hitting me. On one occasion apparently I was snoring and frothing at the mouth; another time more boringly I was simply dribbling.

That reminds me of a dream the night before last where I went to a supermarket with a woman of more senior years who we used to know via the kids tennis club. She had a chair on wheels she needed me to push from her car to the supermarket (obviously) and as I got out I realised that I had wet myself and the front of my trousers was soaking. I think I pulled my t-shirt down to hide the fact. So what does that mean? Last night Cockney W***er featured. We ere at a party that Mrs Bob was at too. Then Julio, who used to be my boss many years ago came and said something racist which was clearly very much in jest but I made out it was awful and it caused ructions. So fast forward and I have fallen out with Julio, and CW has gone off in his car with about 8 people crammed in instead of giving me and Mrs Bob a lift back as promised and we are left stuck in the middle of nowhere.

bad dreams.jpgbad-dreams

Yes. These are crap dreams but you work with what you are given. No there is no punchline either.

Now I have had a lot of criticism for the lack of vegetable pics recently. You know who you are – this is for you…..


I realise the Boblog is to educate. Today therefore I wish to explain to you what Is Keynesian Economics is.

British economist John Maynard Keynes spearheaded a revolution in economic thinking that overturned the then-prevailing idea that free markets would automatically provide full employment—that is, that everyone who wanted a job would have one as long as workers were flexible in their wage demands.

The main plank of Keynes’s theory is the assertion that aggregate demand— measured as the sum of spending by households, businesses, and the government—is the most important driving force in an economy. Keynes further asserted that free markets have no self-balancing mechanisms that lead to full employment. Keynesian economists justify government intervention through public policies that aim to achieve full employment and price stability.

I hope that this has been informative. One fun fact too, Keynes invented Clackers. Truth.


I never had Clackers. Just ask Mrs Bob.

Boris Johnson? Tosser.

Now the next fact is so so true.

Today is I Love Cowboys and Cowgirls Day.

Apparently it is a day to honour, reflect on, and celebrate the legacy of cowboys and cowgirls. The day can be celebrated by reading about the contributions and history of cowboys and cowgirls. This is apparently a good day to wear traditional clothing of cowboys and cowgirls, ride a horse, or visit a ranch or rodeo. Songs about cowboys and cowgirls can be listened to, and Western films can be watched. The National Cowgirl Hall of Fame or National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum could also be visited.


Blimey. Now this one does not take place today, you have to wait until 8 April for it, but get it in your diary now – Dog Farting Awareness Day.

Seriously. They even have a Facebook page.


If you have a dog, celebrate the day by contemplating if your dog is farting too much or not. If you think they are, take some steps to try to lessen their farting. Make sure they aren’t breathing too heavily while they are eating, and check with a veterinarian about giving them a supplement. Visit the Dog Farting Awareness Day Facebook page to learn more about the day. If you don’t have a dog, you can still raise awareness by telling others what you have learned about dog farting and how to lessen it. You also could read Walter and the Farting Dog.


Right, that’s it…….It is my birthday tomorrow and I plan to celebrate with the usual – a pickled egg, a bag of Monster Munch (Gujurati hot spice flavour) and a box set binge, hitting Seasons 9-13 of Antiques Roadshow – Raw and Uncensored.

Here is a picture of some paint drying.


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